Decided to blog about this to get it off my chest. I know most freelancers occasionally encounter this sometime in their career. Since last month I have been struggling to get tasks done.  I felt overwhelmed with the tasks to do, I felt tired to start working on a project. I was holding off work till I felt better.  Was I just feeling lazy and procastinating? Turns out it was more I was suffering from a mild depression, there was a sense of hopelessness on the direction I was going. As 2009 was approaching I was evaluating my status, what have I accomplished so far, then there is the part of envy or jealousy from my peers, which are all almost abroad now working with a better salary than I am, but the drawback is they are away from their loved ones. I contemplated as well on the scenario of leaving the country and look for better salary.

Freelancing was slow after I resigned from my government work middle of last year. I had to take on a client for a regular job for a monthly pay. I was not after a big salary but just the steady flow of cash in case I didnt get any freelance work for the month. At first it turned out well but I was seeing a pattern of struggling with the load of work.  I was working for 2 regular home based jobs and taking on freelance work. Working almost 16 hours a day and finding some time to blog as well for personal business ideas and growth. Now Im evaluating, I would like to just take on one regular job then focus the rest of hours on working freelance instead of working daily for others. This may put off some clients but I’m just being honest, sometimes just to get a freelance project I have to put on a facade that you can take on their project when I’m already loaded with tasks to do for my daily home based clients. 

I want to be an entreprenuer but I can’t seem to get it off. Most of the verbage I have been using is “can’t” instead of can. My reason is the hours I work for my daily clients  is eating up too much of my time and I feel I’m in a vicious trap. I would not be able to manage my time to push starting my own business and start working for myself instead of others. Times are tough and I made a decision. Early this month I have to let go of one of my regular home base client for I was causing too much delay on the project.  There is still some hanging work that I need to finish to get off a good start.  I took a long break from the online world and that felt good now I’m  feeling a little better,  I want to get back to the online scene and start working for myself which is my ultimate goal. I have laid out some online business plans that I would like to pursue, an ecommerce website, earn extra money from blogging and get freelance projects. Which I feel is more manageable and healthy.